juz received her xmas present. might be late..but oh well..better late then never..right now..i juz feel forgotten. looking back on all my posts now. i juz feel that its wishful thinking on my part. i'm juz so bloody naive. yeah. naive. cos i still watch bloody cartoons. but that's besides the point. right now, i feel that the situation, is juz "i love you, but u don't love me no more". yeah, and i juz cant help but feel depressed. all over again. because i seriously do not know how u feel towards me now. good or bad. i dun wanna know anymore. i juz don't. its juz so hard to be a "friend" to u all over again. its so hard, its bloody torture. i read ur blog, and i agree with what jolene said. u said u were afraid of ur parents knowing. maybe they knew? or maybe they didn't, but perhaps they would juz nod and say "i'm happy for u" when they knew u had a boyfriend? nothing happened at all. and u chose to give it all up. as for studies, A levels might be coming, for u at least. and u were afraid u couldn't concentrate. that was ur problem, which was mine too. aren't couples supposed to solve each other's problems together? u might say "i'm afraid of becoming a burden to u". u know jolly well that i wouldn't mind, in fact i'd be happy to shoulder ur problems with u. but no, u chose to give it up. u chose the easy way out. by juz going to the root of all problems and eliminating it. which was me. but if u'd ask me "why would u still wait for me even when i already broke up with u?" i'd reply "because i believe its something worth waiting for. i love you."

sigh..its times like now that i really miss her. not like i dun miss her all the time. but whenever i'm not busy or immersed in something, i'll start to think of her. bah..i miss hugging her, holding her hands when she's cold, poking fun at her, etc. i miss u so much that if i'm a girl, i'll cry myself to sleep every night. sigh..

haha. not irritated anymore. guess i was juz feeling hot and angsty. :P oh well. today was boring..woke up, went to lot 1 for lunch..first time i had teppanyaki. heh. the beef with chilli and garlic was really nice. :D hmm. wanna eat it again. lalalala. then went to alv's house. stoned, played XIII, and played with stupid bots PLUS this irritable piece of shit called "the death" which juz runs around singing "u can run but u can't hideeee". yeah basically when it touches u, u juz die. irritating. lol. then went home to sleep. woke up, played gunbound. haha..going off to kopitiam later to drink iced teh tarik. hehe. boring. :|

grr. i'm feeling irritable now. dunno why. i'm juz irritated at nothing. argh.

lolololol. I AM UTTERLY BORED.
HAHAHAHA. lololoolooololool.

lololol. juz added some "nice" pics taken by my mum's newly bought minolta dimage xt. :D not bad. but i'll have to fiddle with it a lil more. hohoho.

U2 - Sweetest thing

My love she throws me like a rubber ball
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
She won't catch me or break my fall
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
Baby's got blue skies up ahead
But in this I'm a rain cloud
You know she likes a dry kind of love
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing


I'm losing you
Hey hey hey, I'm losing you yeah
Ain't love the sweetest thing


I wanted to run but she made me crawl
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
Eternal fire, she turned me to straw
Oh oh, the sweetest thing
You know I got black eyes
But they burn so brightly for her
Mine is a blind kind of love
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing


I'm losing you
Oh oh oh, I'm losing you yeah
Ain't love the sweetest thing
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
Oh oh, yeah


Blue-eyed boy meets a brown-eyed girl
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
You can sew it up but you still see the tear
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
Baby's got blue skies up ahead
And in this I'm a rain cloud
You know we got a stormy kind of love
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
Oh oh, the sweetest thing
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing

some people say "fish, u're an idiot. u've already broken up with her, why do u still care about her so much?" or "since u've already broken up, why do u hope that she might be free so that u can ask her out? are u that desperate?" my answer: no, i'm not an idiot. i'm no despo either. perhaps i'm seriously sentimental. perhaps i'm nuts. but there's one thing i'm sure. that is, i love her. i loved her before, i loved her after. and i loved her still. it breaks my heart whenever i talk to her now. its like going back to square 1. like as if we didn't know each other. like as if we were strangers. its so hard to talk, so hard to express anything. i know i haven't been a perfect guy for u either. always playing gunbound, neglecting u, being insensitive at times, and most of the time, its u who takes the initiative. i know now. but i might never have the chance to make up for it now. if u ask me what do i have to offer you, i can tell u only two things. my love, and my loyalty. people might ask, what loyalty? i can tell them, or rather list out all the shit i went thru. if they can tell me, "yes i will still stay by her side after everything, and still love her as much as i did before, no matter what kinda crap happened.", then ok, they're good. u mean a whole damn lot to me. i know its fsking mushy and lame whatsoever. but if u ask me, that's all i can come up with. i'm not some prime minister or muhamud ghandi who can come up with strong words to move people. but all of it, all that i've typed above, comes frm my heart. the bottom of it.