some people say "fish, u're an idiot. u've already broken up with her, why do u still care about her so much?" or "since u've already broken up, why do u hope that she might be free so that u can ask her out? are u that desperate?" my answer: no, i'm not an idiot. i'm no despo either. perhaps i'm seriously sentimental. perhaps i'm nuts. but there's one thing i'm sure. that is, i love her. i loved her before, i loved her after. and i loved her still. it breaks my heart whenever i talk to her now. its like going back to square 1. like as if we didn't know each other. like as if we were strangers. its so hard to talk, so hard to express anything. i know i haven't been a perfect guy for u either. always playing gunbound, neglecting u, being insensitive at times, and most of the time, its u who takes the initiative. i know now. but i might never have the chance to make up for it now. if u ask me what do i have to offer you, i can tell u only two things. my love, and my loyalty. people might ask, what loyalty? i can tell them, or rather list out all the shit i went thru. if they can tell me, "yes i will still stay by her side after everything, and still love her as much as i did before, no matter what kinda crap happened.", then ok, they're good. u mean a whole damn lot to me. i know its fsking mushy and lame whatsoever. but if u ask me, that's all i can come up with. i'm not some prime minister or muhamud ghandi who can come up with strong words to move people. but all of it, all that i've typed above, comes frm my heart. the bottom of it.