hmm. hardly have any time to blog nowadays. but oh well. here i am. to get straight to the point, i'm confused. confused as a mat finding a korner in a circle, confused as an indian looking at himself in the mirror in a dark room. that's right. i'm confused. not about what i'm thinking, but what i should do. its so much like deja vu. and finally i know how she felt last time. because the decision to make on what to do, no matter what, will change everything. its just like telling ur buddy u like her, and all of a sudden, the two of you feel awkward and break off. its just so delicate, the human emotion. i've not felt like this for a few months, its the same feeling i felt almost 1 yr ago, but after being through a relationship before, i can't help but feel a sense of dread. a sense of what might happen if this all goes wrong. i told myself, not to have anymore r/ship committments, mainly because its stressful and i've got no more confidence in this sorta thing. but much as the rational mind works the body, the heart works on its own. and much as i try not to get involved in anything, i still fail to do so. to many people, i'm a gunbound freak. but however, its a sort of means with which i run from reality. ben keeps telling me so and so likes me, that, i don't know, but i do know that as much as i wanna run away, all i want is someone to be here with me. its not that i'm desperate, but who wouldn't want anyone to love? and that's why i'm back to the beginning. i'm confused abt what i should do. if i make the wrong move, i lose a good friend. even if i make the correct move, i really do not think that i would want any committments now. to put it bluntly, i'm afraid i will not be able to keep them. besides, i'm not even sure how she feels. maybe its best to keep it this way, for now.